Merch
Real products, real design files, real pricing — add whatever you need to the same cart as a letter.
Drinkware
"I've Been Bad" Mug
Funny Christmas Mug
Black glossy enamel mug. No crest — huge bold wraparound type is the whole design: "I'VE BEEN BAD" in heavy caps, centered, nothing else competing with it.
$19.99
Bags
I Carry My Own Baggage Tote
Funny Tote Bag
Black organic cotton tote. No crest — huge bold "I CARRY MY OWN BAGGAGE" fills the face, "mostly emotional." underneath in a smaller confident line.
$27.99
Ornaments
Wax Seal Ornament
Funny Christmas Ornament
Cast-look brass ornament shaped like the Haus wax seal — the default bundled gift with every gift subscription ("The Induction Seal").
$14.99
Apparel
Certified Naughty Tee
Funny Christmas T-Shirt
No small left-chest seal — "CERTIFIED NAUGHTY" fills the whole chest in huge bold caps, like a confident streetwear graphic tee, not a dainty embroidered logo.
$27.99
Posters/Art
"Guilty." Art Print
Funny Wall Art Print
No formal document frame or seal — one giant bold condensed payoff word, "GUILTY.", filling the whole print, with a small red handwritten "Krampus" signature in the corner.
$26.99
Stickers
Naughty List Sticker Sheet
Funny Sticker Pack
5 bold die-cut stickers in a punchy flat-color stamp style (no gold seal): "Guilty," "Noted.," "Allegedly," "Repeat Offender," and a pair of curved horns.
$11.99
Drinkware
Hydrating My Villain Era Bottle
Funny Water Bottle
Black stainless steel bottle, seal crest, "HYDRATING MY VILLAIN ERA / NO REGRETS."
$42.99
Home
Burning Through My Patience Candle
Funny Candle Gift
Soy candle, cream apothecary-style label, "BURNING THROUGH MY PATIENCE" — scent: Spite & Cedar.
$26.99
Bags
Naughty List Luggage Tag
Funny Luggage Tag
Cream luggage tag with real leather strap, seal crest, "If Found, Return to the Naughty List."
$25.99
Apparel
On Thin Ice Socks
Funny Christmas Socks
Full-print black crew socks: a genuinely jagged cracked-ice graphic (no seal) radiating from the heel, with "ON THIN ICE" bold across the ankle and "tread carefully" underfoot.
$16.99