Letters from Krampus
THE NAUGHTY
LIST FOR ADULTS.
You tell us what someone’s been up to. We’ll take it from there.
- Feature
- 100% Personalized
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- Mailed Directly to Them
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- Discreet Packaging
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- Uncomfortably Accurate
Haus of Krampus
From the Immortal Degenerate of Christmas
RE: Congratulations. You’re on the Naughty List.
Jason,
Congratulations. Your wife, Linda, has officially reported you to Krampus. I was expecting something involving livestock. Instead, this woman sent me photographs of your garage.
FIRST, THE GARAGE. You promised to clean it by Easter. WHICH EASTER, JASON? I’ve dragged naked sinners through the Bavarian Alps in a sack that hasn’t been washed since 1743. Even I wouldn’t enter that garage without a tetanus shot.
SECOND, THE BREAD MAKER. Purchased in February. Described as “an investment.” Linda says you spent three hours researching flour and then ordered pizza. The Haus has located no bread.
THIRD, YOUR SMART HOME. You spent $600 automating the living room lights. They now turn purple whenever someone flushes the upstairs toilet. I’ve summoned demons with fewer unintended consequences.
Your place on the Naughty List is confirmed. Saint Nicholas has recommended leniency. I reminded him that he wears a velvet bathrobe to work.
I have other families to haunt, Jason.
Krampus
How It Works
Report Them
Tell Krampus what they've been up to.
Give Us the Details
The more specific, the better.
Krampus Writes
A completely personalized letter of disappointment.
We Mail It
Beautifully. Discreetly.
Deny Everything
This is a gift, after all.
EVERYONE KNOWS SOMEONE.
HusbandWifeGirlfriendBoyfriendBest FriendBrotherSisterCoworkerBossRoommateEx
Krampus is warmed up and ready to roast every single one of them.
Choose Your Level of Degeneracy
Checkout isn’t connected yet, so nothing below can be purchased for real just this moment — but the prices are final.
Digital
One letter from Krampus, straight to their inbox.
- One fully personalized letter
- Beautiful print-ready PDF
- Delivered in minutes, no shipping wait
- Great for Secret Santa or White Elephant on a deadline
The Naughty List for Adults
The full physical experience, mailed to their doorstep.
- One fully personalized letter, professionally printed
- Black envelope, red wax-seal design, cream letterhead
- Mailed directly to them (or to you, to hand-deliver)
- A free digital copy lands in your inbox too
3 Months of Krampus
Three letters. Krampus doesn't forget.
- 3 letters with real callbacks, not repeats
- Krampus references what he said before
- Mailed monthly (digital available)
Year-Round Krampus
He never forgets. He'll be in touch all year.
- 6 letters — one every 2 months
- Old offenses come back. New ones get added.
- The best gift for someone who will never see it coming
Perfect for people who suck.
What Other Terrible Humans Are Saying
Not real reviews — yet. Krampus is still compiling evidence.
“My sister still hasn't explained the group chat vote. She doesn't need to. Krampus already knows.”
“My husband read one line about the garage and said 'okay, fair' — then actually made progress on it within the week. Worth every penny.”
“Uncomfortably accurate.”
“Sent this to my boss anonymously. I have since been promoted. I assume these events are unrelated.”
Year-Round Krampus
HE DOESN’T STOP
AT CHRISTMAS.
Humans stay disappointing all year, so Krampus does too. Old offenses resurface. New ones get added. The callbacks get sharper the longer it runs.
January
“You told the group chat you’d finally start running this year. We took notes.”
July
“The running hasn’t started. The shoes still have tags on them. We’re still taking notes.”
$129.99 / year
One year, six letters — renews annually.
The Haus Has Merch, Too
Real products, real pricing — mugs, totes, apparel, and more.
SOMEONE YOU KNOW
BELONGS ON THE LIST.
Krampus can’t do anything about it if no one tells him.